It Could Happen
by E Chiove
Summary: The highly impropable, completely illogical, spatial anomical tragedy of Malcolm Reed and Charles Tucker. But it could happen.
1. Chapter Uno

It Could Happen By Like A Stone  
  
Summary: The highly impropable, totally illogical, spatial anomical tragedy of Malcolm Reed and Charles Tucker. But it could happen.  
  
Disclaimer: fjdakl;dfjdoaphkqlnrm;qw0;c qjkdgf[ajl;cj./ qmql;mklcu0opkl;'m Dedicated to whoever plays Chef. I love you.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"That away mission wasn't too bad," Trip said, turning his bare back to Malcolm.  
  
Malcolm spread the blue decon gel completely across his right palm, "Yeah. I mean we didn't meet any transexuals, no one got mugged, no one got pregnant, and the ship was still here when we got back."  
  
"That puts it somewhere in the top 3, huh? Oh, by the way, Mal, did you remember to bring your communicator back?" Trip looked over his shoulder and smiled at Malcolm's glare.  
  
"Think you're funny, huh? After 2 weeks of sharing a room with you, I won't mind some time alone," Malcolm finished covering Trip's back in blue, "Turn around."  
  
"Well, at least I won't have to listen to you talk in your sleep - it's a damn good thing the sub-commander didn't hear the things that you were saying about her."  
  
"Well, at least I don't snore."  
  
"Hey! I don't snore."  
  
"You walk in your sleep too."  
  
"You grind your teeth."  
  
Malcolm handed the can of gel to Trip and turned his own bare back to his friend, "Well then, it's a damn good thing I get to sleep ALONE tonight."  
  
"You said it."  
  
Just then the ship shook unexpectedly. Trip reflexively grabbed Malcolm's torso as they fell to the floor.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Damn, spatial anomalies," Archer mumbled under his breath, "Report."  
  
"All decks suffered no damage - except for decon," said a monotone T'pol.  
  
The commlink buzzed.  
  
"Phlox to the Captain."  
  
"Archer here."  
  
"Um.. You may want to come down here to sickbay. We have a rather interesting predicament."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, sir."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - TBC. Yes, I know where this is headed. No, this is not slash. 


	2. Kapitel Zwei

Chapter 2 of It Could Happen By LikeAStone Disclaimer: fjdaskl;jqnemljfa2qnen enandmjaq  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
T'pol arched her left eyebrow.  
  
"Well." Archer trailed off to suck in some breath in surprise and raised both of his own eyebrows.  
  
T'pol, Archer, and Phlox were all crowded around two biobeds that had been hastily shoved together in the middle of sickbay.  
  
"They're not, like," Archer lifted Reed's hand and dropped it. It hit the bed with a thump, "Dead? Are they?"  
  
Phlox chuckled, "Haha, no. It would actually appear that they are adapting quite well to their new little, ah, situation."  
  
T'pol lifted Trip's arm with a quirked eyebrow and let it fall back down with its own little thud, "Indeed."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Captain's ready room  
  
"I have called this staff meeting, today," Archer began, "for a very, um, good reason."  
  
Hoshi Sato and Travis Mayweather looked around the room.  
  
Chair.  
  
Desk.  
  
Captain.  
  
Computer.  
  
Subcommander.  
  
Window.  
  
Door.  
  
Mayweather cleared his throat, "So, uh, where's the rest of the staff?"  
  
"Funny you should mention that."  
  
Hoshi began to look a little nervous, "I thought Trip and Malcolm came back fine from their away mission."  
  
"Well, yeah," Archer began, "But then there was this little anomaly. . . . ."  
  
"Oh, no," Hoshi covered her mouth, "Are they going to be OK?"  
  
"Well, technically."  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
"Phlox?" called Trip from the biobeds.  
  
"Yes, commander?" Phlox bustled into Trip's view, clutching a tricorder.  
  
"What the hell is going on here?"  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Sorry. I know I suck at suspense. But aren't you just bursting with curiosity???? Well, Chapter 3 is the chapter that I promise explains it all. The fun is just getting started.... 


	3. Kapitel Drei

Chapter 3 LikeAStone Disclaimer: zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba  
  
Pleaser Note: As I do not intend to offend anybody at all, I have removed Reed's comment about AIDS. I have replaced it with the less controversial word "worms". This change does not disrupt the plot in the least and should make no difference to the story. I am extremely sorry to anyone who was rightfully so disgusted by my loose use of the serious disease. It was not worth the humor effect. I sincerely do hope that there will be a cure for HIV by the 22nd century.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"So you're saying Reed and I are sharing a kidney?!"  
  
"Pretty much, yeah," Phlox, Hoshi, Travis, T'pol, and Archer exchanged shrugs.  
  
"We're like Siamese twins?"  
  
"It's not as bad as it sounds," Phlox protested.  
  
"Oh, yeah? What's so freaking good about it?!"  
  
"Um.. Well, you could be dead," Hoshi pointed out.  
  
"Or you could be joined at a DIFFERENT organ," Travis smirked.  
  
"Oh, please just shoot me now."  
  
"That would be kind of unfair to make Malcolm drag your rotting carcass around all the time, don't you think?" Travis asked innocently.  
  
Trip made as if to sit up and swing at Travis but was stopped halfway because of Reed's still unconscious body. He lay back down dejectedly.  
  
"Just wait until he wakes up. Mal and I will murderlize you," Trip muttered in Travis' general direction.  
  
"Mighty strong words coming from a man with only one and a half kidneys," Hoshi said as she smiled sweetly down at the engineer.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
78 minutes later  
  
"Well, apparently, when we were in decon, an anomaly hit the ship," Trip was saying to Reed, "And well, it was concentrated there, and the decon gel somehow acted as a clunigent so our hips got, well, obviously, quite fused together."  
  
"What happened to the fourth kidney, though?"  
  
"According to Phlox, both kidneys fused together completely, to create one."  
  
"Well, it could be worse, I guess," Reed glanced down at where their hips met and gulped.  
  
"Yeah. You could have always fused tails with Porthos."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
15 minutes later  
  
"So.." Phlox paced in front of the two men, "How are you two feeling?"  
  
"Considering the current situation," began Malcolm.  
  
"Not as bad as we look," finished Trip.  
  
"Well, I guess it's just really fortunate that you both have the same blood type."  
  
"We do?" asked Malcolm and Trip together.  
  
"Yeah, otherwise you would not be able to survive. You are both sharing blood right now through that kidney."  
  
Trip lifted his hand to his face and flexed his fingers thoughtfully, "Coooooool."  
  
"Hey, Trip?" Malcolm asked turning his head slightly to his right.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Would now be a good time to tell you I have worms?"  
  
"Not funny."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
I am so sorry for waiting until the 3rd chapter to tell you what was going on.  
  
Well, not really.  
  
Again, sorry for the innapropriate comment. I know that worms is kinda dumb but it was all I could come up with. All ideas on what to rechange it to are welcome.  
  
TBC. BTW, thank you for the reviews, you guys. I love all reviews - even if it is just a number 1 through 10. 


	4. Kapitel Vier

Chapter 4 It Could Happen By Like  
  
Disclaimer: Tucker and Reed are not mine; I just like to torture them.  
  
Dedicated to anyone who has ever woken up unexpectedly to someone else. * * * * * * * * *  
  
Malcolm's POV  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
Have you ever woken up next to someone you least expected?  
  
If so, good, then we are on the same page.  
  
Have you ever woken up next to someone you least expected.. And you were joined at the hip with him?!  
  
If so, good, then we are on the same page.  
  
Have you ever woken up next to someone you least expected. And you were joined at the hip and you noticed that you needed to piss really, really badly???  
  
Well, what am I to do? Trip sleeps like the dead. Right now, I am making this log - and I'm not really whispering - since I have to speak above his snores.  
  
What does one do to deserve this?  
  
One moment I am methodically rubbing blue gel across 225 pounds of Commander and the next moment I am one with the same man.  
  
Maybe father was right - the worst thing that they do to you in the navy is make you scrub the privy with a toothbrush if your shirt comes untucked. I don't even think they have decon there. Come to think of it, probably no spatial anomalies either.  
  
Duh.  
  
A few hours ago, when I woke up, Trip was smiling over at me. I told him kindly that his breath smelt and to please give me some space. He apologized while still smiling and then calmly explained the whole situation to me. All while grinning. Like it's a joke.  
  
Trip's lucky. He's spent his whole life with himself. He's used to it. He can tolerate himself.  
  
And then after Phlox and Trip - both quite unfazed by the whole thing, I must say - told me that we were sharing a kidney and some blood.. Well, I didn't know whether to scream or puke.  
  
I settled for both, but I did them mentally - and after Tucker had fallen back asleep.  
  
Oh, God, I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really need to go to the bathroom.  
  
Maybe if I think happy thoughts..  
  
Me. London. Pub. Hot Girl. Beer.  
  
No, no, no, dammit. Beer makes you piss. Idiot. Um.  
  
Armory. Target Practice. ZOOM. Bullseye. Direct hit. Ahh! Aliens!! ZOOM!! ZOOM!! ZOOM!! Die. Die. Die.  
  
Uh, Malcolm, what are you doing?  
  
Shit. I mean, um, I'm glad your awake, Trip. 


	5. 5

It Could Happen  
Chapter 5  
By LikeAStone  
Disclaimer: fjdskal;qnm  
Note: Sorry, I have been grounded all week.  
READ THIS NOTE: PLEASE DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE UNDER 13 (SORRY  
TO DISCRIMINATE) THERE IS ONE LINE TOWARDS THE END THAT SHOULD NOT BE SAID  
IN POLITE COMPANY. REED JUST CAN'T KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT.  
* * * * * * * * * *  
Phlox finished reading the scans on the monitor by the beds. He smiled and  
hovered back into view of the two men.  
"You both have completely adapted to each other's bodies. Now, anything  
that happens to Lieutenant Reed will affect you, Commander Tucker, and  
anything that happens to Commander Tucker will affect you too, Lieutenant  
Reed."  
The door whooshed open and Subcommander T'pol ended with a few PADDs in her  
hand, "The captain asked me to give this to you."  
"Work?" asked Reed sort of hopefully.  
"No."  
"Promotion notices for exceptional bravery?" asked Tucker.  
"No."  
"Dischargement notices?"  
"No."  
"Tetris?"  
"Pardon?"  
"Never mind."  
"They are histories of what are politically-incorrectly referred to as  
'Siamese Twins'. The captain thought that you might like to read about how  
others dealt with their condition."  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
Forty minutes later, Reed and Tucker were still poring over the PADDs.  
Tucker laughed, "Here, listen to this, Twit and, are you ready for this?"  
Reed set two PADDs down, "Hit me."  
"Twit and Twat from Liberia," Trip showed him the picture of two dark-  
skinned men, joined at the head.  
"I wonder which one's Twat," Reed laughed.  
"No, wait, check out these two - conjoined at the chest, says here that  
they were born sharing a nipple."  
"See? It could be much worse," Reed smirked.  
"Yeah, you can have my kidney, Mal, just leave my nipples alone!"  
"Is this a bad time?" Hoshi said as she came into the two men's view, "I  
promise not to steal your nipples, Trip, I was just wondering if you two  
wanted anything to eat." She set down a tray of food.  
"Thanks, Hoshi," Tucker said as he helped himself to a few grapes.  
"Thank you, Hoshi. Pass me some milk, huh, Trip?"  
"So, what's it like?" Hoshi asked as she watched the two men eat.  
"It's kinda like a 3-legged race," Tucker shrugged, as he picked up a  
peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  
"How are you guys going to go back to work?"  
Reed paused to swallow a mouthful of mashed potatoes, "Well, I can't  
imagine it will make that big of a difference. Tucker will hang out by his  
precious engines, and I will shoot anything suspicious looking aliens that  
come near."  
  
3 hours later  
"Uh, Malcolm?"  
"Yes?"  
"Where did that red rash all over your neck come from?" Tucker leaned  
closer to Reed, looking extremely concerned.  
Malcolm placed his hand over his neck and felt the bumps, "Phlox!!!  
Phlox!!!"  
"Yes?" Phlox popped his head in from behind the privacy curtain that had  
been set up, "Oh, dear!" he said when he saw Malcolm's rash.  
"It's just like one of those that I get when I eat peanuts," said Malcolm,  
"Except I didn't eat any peanuts."  
Phlox inspected Reed's neck cautiously and then glanced at Trip, "Well?"  
"Um... Well, I may have had some peanut butter, but would that be enough to  
give him that big of a rash?"  
"Like I said, anything that you do will affect him." He spread a colloid  
gel across Malcolm's neck, "You'll be fine in a few hours."  
"Sorry, Mal," Trip muttered once Phlox had left the room.  
"So anything you do affects me, huh?" Malcolm raised his eyebrows in  
Tucker's direction.  
Tucker nodded and sighed, "I guess so."  
"Well, good," Reed smiled, "Then THAT explains why I got a hard-on when  
T'pol entered the room."  
Tucker just blushed. 


End file.
